


The Annoying Time-Travel Realization

by Nihonkikuasa211



Category: Harry Potter and the Cursed Child - Thorne & Rowling, おそ松さん | Osomatsu-san (Anime)
Genre: Episode Tag, Gen, Post-Anime
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:13:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26656441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nihonkikuasa211/pseuds/Nihonkikuasa211
Summary: This just a story that I thought of immediately after seeing the second season finale of Osomatsu-san. I don't have any plans of updating.
Kudos: 3





	The Annoying Time-Travel Realization

_The Annoying Time-Travel Realization_

Choromatsu should have known something would happen once he and his brothers came back from Hell.

It wasn’t like they were supposed to come back alive, anyway.

In Japanese folklore (when he was trying to pretend he was an idol student in high school) the god Izanagi tried to bring his sister/wife back from the underworld. However, the former goddess chased him out, stating that she was no longer pure and had to stay in the underworld because the dead cannot come back to life.

It was odd. The Japanese folklore described the afterlife not as divided between Heaven and Hell, but just existence. Why then, were the sextuplets judged based on what they had not done in life?

They hadn’t done ANYTHING.

The life of NEETs was supposed to end at around the age they were now, in their mid-twenties, but despite his self-awareness, Choromatsu was as content about his NEET career as much as his brothers.

Perhaps they were punished for being the lazy assholes they were.

But he didn’t expect this.

Certainly not THIS.

Wasn’t there supposed to be a catastrophe of some sort, with all the mythological creatures and monsters coming out in the woodwork?

Choromatsu opened his mouth to scream, but nothing came out of his mouth.

What the HELL were the sextuplets doing in the middle of nowhere in ENGLAND, in 2009???!!!

“Where the hell are we?!” Choromatsu shouted. He could see nothing but trees, trees, and dirt. _Pine,_ he thought with a shudder as the green-wearing man could see nothing but that horrid allergic tree. He remembered quite vividly when he and his siblings had attempted to border up their self-proclaimed room only to find the pollen had fallen through the cracks, and they all ended up sneezing, hacking, and coughing for the entire spring.

Choromatsu strained to see his surroundings. Although there was no pollen present, that did not mean there were no allergens lying dormant somewhere. Shouting echoed against his eardrums, and the third eldest glared at the younger siblings who were currently chasing each other in the area.

 _Seriously,_ the third eldest thought as he saw Osomatsu-niisan and Karamatsu-niisan sleeping and making bizarre poses to himself as the younger siblings ran around. Except Ichimatsu, who was morosely picking at the grass. _We stick out like green thumbs._ Choromatsu was wearing his usual green hoodie with blue jeans. For some reason, as soon as they went to bed in a hotel as their home was currently destroyed or whatever, not long after they escaped hell and realized that their bodies were messed up and their dicks fell off, all sextuplets found themselves in this new world. 

“We’re in a forest, Choromatsu-niisan!” Jyushimatsu happily yelled while swinging his bat back and forth. Choromatsu glared at his younger brother, who was wearing his obvious yellow and black baseball uniform. _He sticks out most of all!_

“But _where_ are we?”

“Careful, bruzza,” came the smirking tone of Karamatsu. “Your self-awareness is showing.”

It wasn’t very well known besides to his brothers and parents that Chromomatsu’s…other side could be shown. They didn’t really have a name for the Choromatsu alter; they just knew that if the third eldest became quiet and then sarcastically angry, then they needed to run for their lives or lick the soles of his shoes as they begged forgiveness.

Unfortunately, dying, then living a day in hell reliving his most horrid and embarrassing childhood memories, and coming back to find his parts not exactly in the right place, and then finding himself in England with his brothers made Choromatsu tired as hell.

And that meant the other personality could appear any moment.

But before anything could occur, Ichimatsu lifted up his head and said,

“Can’t you see the house right in front of us?”

There was a pause. Choromatsu warily looked around, and indeed, there was a house – dusty, nineteenth century-looking, and dark – in front of them as if it had always been there.

“EEHHH?!”

“Why didn’t we notice it sooner?” Totty asked.

“You guys were too busy fighting,” Ichimatsu said to the grass. All five of his siblings stared at him. “It looks creepy, anyway.”

“…” Choromatsu looked more closely at the house, as did his identical siblings. The house, looking more closely, did look creepy. The light was off even though it couldn’t have been about 4 in the afternoon. There was grime and cobwebs stuck to the windows, and there was no indication of mailboxes or of any personal decoration.

“Osomatsu-niisan, what are you doing?” Totty asked as Choromatsu almost gagged in shock and horror as their oldest brother went to open the door.

“Well, it does seem creepy, but this would be a nice place to crash, ne?” Osomatsu-niisan seemed unconcerned with the amount of disgust or horror his younger siblings were aiming at him from his suggestions as he attempted to open the lone door. The red hoodie clashed with the darkness of the house.

“See, it doesn’t even – ”

The door opened.

All six set of eyes seemed frozen as the door remained where it was.

“Um, Osomatsu-niisan,” Choromatsu said worriedly as the siblings stayed still. “Wouldn’t this be called…breaking and entering?”

“It’s just a dream, Choromatsu.” Karamatsu stated smoothly in his “Karamatsu Girl” voice. “Just like the time when.”

But like always, neither of his siblings were paying attention. They were already in the house.

“Well, if this is a dream,” Ichimatsu muttered in the darkness as he searched for a light as the sextuplets attempted to not break each other’s arms by moving, “it certainly is dark as Hell.”

“You remember that?” Choromatsu gasped, his eyes finding Ichimatsu’s even though neither his face nor his expression was visible.

“It’s hard not to,” Ichimatsu muttered in a deadpan tone. “My worst childhood secrets were revealed.”

 _Mine too,_ Choromatsu thought. To the entire populace of hell, it had been as if his entire intestine had been dragged out of his body and left out to dry before it was stomped on by a horse and then shit on.

“It was only for a day,” Choromatsu tried to console even though his entire body felt like screaming. He was never good at telling other people how to feel. “And –”

“Muscle muscle! Hustle hustle!” Jyushimatsu started to chant. Swinging his baseball bat bag and forward with the idiotic smile on his face, Choromatsu felt an ounce of affection before –

The door slammed. Not that door. But the door that led to…somewhere.

A woman wearing dark black robes stood in the doorway. Her skin was pale, with bloodshot green eyes with a deep frown underneath her small nose.

“What in the Merlin – “

The woman, who was honestly wearing most awesome goth clothes Choromatsu had ever seen, gripped something in her hand.

“Muscle muscle! Hustle hustle!” Jyushimatsu repeated as the bat struck forward again, this time to the woman’s hardened face. There was a sickening crack as the wooden door broke into pieces as the woman’s body fell forward.

Choromatsu and the others were silent a _thud_ echoed in the room.

Whatever their NEET brains were hoping for, it didn’t happen. The woman didn’t get back up.


End file.
